Feelings

Feelings! Nothing more than feelings. It crashes you down without even realizing why. We went out for a movie yesterday all happy and excited. One thing that bothers me most is that the guy who came out from her house when i waited her infront. Who is that guy and what does he intend to do to her? This feeling, is insane and most of all on that very second, i felt so saddened and angry. Jealousy it is! Deniz is farking jealous!! That rarely happens to me. I thought i said i don't want to burden her just because i like her. Didn't want her to be the joke of the day because i ain't a guy to complete her. What if i can't make her happy? What if i don't love her enough and make her cry everyday?Basically im very confuse and unsure about my feelings. AAaaaarrgghhhh!!!!IM SO FREAKING JEALOUS! =heugv 'ph[ju

The Ugly or the Pretty!!????

It is so funny when i thought about my mum's expression towards a boy gal relationship. That guy he wants me to be with is a very successful man indeed but of course his appearance is not what you think a manifique. I told her straight on her face that this guy is ugly!! She kept saying choosing a guy is not about the appearance. But what if your little girl here wants a girl n not a guy?A girl's age defies her appearance and this is actually my biggest problem. Am i choosing a beauty or a beast? In another words, your just a sucker under your mum's control if u just listen blindly. The beauty part is kinda tough road to ride on! This is just a once in a life time opportunity and you might be an old lonely lady then. So what should it be? Choosing a safe road or a road that everyone avoids? Well, currently, i love girls too much to let them go. I am still hungry for them..haha

moody

Its a very bad day today. My mood was just very much distracted by tonnes of things to do and i am so stressed out. Yes, i am beginning to like sm1 more and more everyday. Without her voice for a day makes so much difference in my daily basis. Am i too tired and take things too seriously in my life? Why am i like that? Everything doesn't seems so serious back then. My assignments my reports and all aughh!!! What am i struggling at? Why isit am i so not myself today? Where is the calm and tentative Deniz? Well, things were better after i talked to ehem just now. Problems keep on turning up at a bad timing and also makes me fed up at putting up with peoples attitude. They have something bad so do i! WTH, am i not human now? Just hope that one day i can share everything with someone who really understands me. ehem understands but i still cant get her! That's my main problem, i cant tell her how much i really felt and all! My heart is telling me 2 tell her straight in her face there and then. I did not do much. I want to, very much as long as it means making her less stress and less tiring. I am willing to be the tired one! ...I will make sure i grad with a distinction. My heart tells me 'she is the one', 2 months ago. But now, my heart tells me, i cant lose her and i will take care of her for the rest of my life! Even if it means just as being a friend beside her. I wanted to tell u, If it makes you happy for me not telling you how important and how much i love you, then i will not tell u.

oh tonight im feeling fine,
im alone just wasting time,
no fridays movie nights ,
or romantic candle lights,
im just having a conversation,
with a thoughts in my head,
all i hear are angels crying,
wont they just sing instead,
it would b wrong for me to say?
i dun need that gal by my side,
i dunit that gal in my life,
i duwana talk it out or hold her when she cries,
i duwana say she's my kind,
i duwana say that she's mine,
i duwana tel her that i love her more than life.....

Do You Know??

Do you know,your eyes gives me a struck everytime we looked?!
Do you know,when you touch me or hold me just once, i wanted so badly for the time to pause?!Everytime when you said that you were bored, i like to show up immediately infront of you?!I can't say i love you nor can i say how much i care for you. No one can tell that i had feelings for you for quite some time because i can't! Many will think of me as a play girl for not sticking to one. It's a mistake for me to confess hastily without thinking of the consequences. I am pausing my feelings towards you as well as all my actions towards anyone but it's obvious that this matter will not be paused for long. I need to play the video anyhow. i would not want to lose anyone of you,n now i choose to let things be as they are. Let bygones be bygones and fate will find its way. Its a good way to let me know how much i care for you and how much am i willing to put in just to put a smile on your face. Puppy love or solid love?And when i find out what this feelings meant,i'd really like to know if you are willing to share ur life together with me? Because my answer is always a yes to be a part of urs.

18th November 09

At this point of my life, i began to ask myself why am i such an idiot clindging on in a relationship where im a 3rd party?Folishness and blindness gets a better of me and i did learn that how much i hurt the others-you knw what i mean. When u move on, things change and you will tend 2 meet someone new in your life. Friends you can make and they will become more worthwhile if they are true! Life moves on without my best friends as things get more and more awkward between us.Lets put it this way, we doubt each other.

The miracle thing about changing is that once there are new people surrounding you, you tend to see things in a different perspective. They teach you things that you migt not even thought of indirectly. Meeting new people gives u fresh minds and more ideas. Throughout that process, you might met someone who is relatively close to you in a way. You felt very comfortable being with this person and it's ;like the both of you can talk for ages. I really would like to knw more about her things and listen to her the whole day. When I woke up, she is the only thing on my mind. Don't really know whether this is really the feeling and the person im lookIng for but i wrote a poem for her. Anyone reads it jx leave a comment. Its not really good so dont laugh...

YOUR PRESENCE IN ME...

Thou shall not be afraid

For what thee should say

Do not shy away

For my presence sake

Let thee be the one to say

How lovely thou are today

Everyday-to-day

Neverending smiles to they

Kindness and generosity

Thou shall not fade

Making thee fond to

From that day.

Deniz!!!

I need to know

What he heck am i doing? What time isit? Y am i not in bed when i shud be and my class is 8am 2mr? Y do i still wait for him even if he knows that im waiting and doesnt care? Y? Tell me y am i doing all this to hurt myself?I felt so so so so so so so stupid rite now.....I cant even think properly. Why should i love this person if he doesnt love me? What am i holding on to?The sweet memories>?I know better im not gonna get it back from him...But y?darn man...even i cant think properly...

A Normal Human Being.....

Today : 22nd September 2008
Time : 532pm


Today,Denise is in a normal mood. Not emo and stuff!! Just felt as usual like the times where i haven't fell for anyone. Time really heals a person no matter what it is including your feelings for someone. It's not hard and it ain't easy as well. But once you felt that your love one does not love or care for you as he should then that is the time when you need to wake up. When you told him sincerely and truthfully how much you love him but he did not responded, it's sad and very discouraging. I don't worry about anything much now. Time will take its course and maybe by then, he won't be anything to me. Just a very normal friend. Im very tired now. I need rest!!